For The Love Of Swayze

As we all probably know, Patrick Swayze has been battling cancer for some time now.  Despite knowing this for some time, I continued to crack jokes about him as if I was unaware.  It’s not like I’m making fun of him now because of his situation.  I’ve been insulting this man ever since age twelve when I realized how terrible movies like Dirty Dancing and Point Break were.  Today, though, I read an article about him claiming that he’s been seeing close friends and family and is preparing for death.  I’m not sure if it was entirely true, but it did get me thinking.

Now I guess I’ve always been kind of a hippy of sorts when it comes to what I wish on others.  Because I can honestly say that I never wished ill fates on anyone, be it Dick Cheney, Toby Keith, or the guy at my work that always pisses on the toilet seat.  I’d love to say I do this because I’m such a good person, but mostly I do it out of fear:  fear of karma, fear of a higher power, whatever.

In that same vein, though, I also don’t mourn the deaths of people I regard as terrible.  I wasn’t sad when Ronald Reagan died.  I wasn’t sad when Jerry Falwell died.  And I won’t be sad when Larry the Cable Guy dies. 

Now I don’t wanna get all mushy here.  I really just want to take this opportunity to put Patrick Swayze in his posthumous place for when the time comes.  I thought about it long and hard…and yes…I will be sad when Patrick Swayze goes to that pottery wheel in the sky.

You see, Swayze was awful, that’s a given.  But he wasn’t the kind of awful that merits parties being thrown on his death day.  He was awful in the kind of way that made you want to insult him all day long because you wasted almost two hours of your Sunday afternoon watching Road House.  He was awful because hordes of mothers would talk about him in ways that their children never wanted to hear.  As long as Swayze was making movies, there was a joke to be had, and that’s what sucks the most.  Though the awfulness will live on forever in his terrible movies, you can’t help but wonder what other steaming piles he would’ve laid on us, had he stuck around.  But I suppose this way the legacy can stay preserved.

So thanks Mr. Swayze.  We’ve had the time of our life making fun of you.  And I’m sure you laughed all the way to the bank, you lucky bastard.  RIP.

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2 Responses to “For The Love Of Swayze”

  1. Cassie Says:

    (Alas, a new entry!) Any comment on his TV series? Also a steaming pile? I’ve never seen. I thought you might have some insight….

  2. Naomi Stone Says:

    Pat actually said in a recent interview that he’s not ready to die. He has some more people to piss off!
    P.S. Pottery wheel in the sky? Fucking hilarious, James. I’ll think of that song every time I hear Spirit in the sky…

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