Watching People Die

The old saying says there’s two guarantees in life: death and taxes.  And seeing as the title 1,000 Ways To File Your W-2s doesn’t really roll off the tongue, Spike TV gave it’s proper premiere to 1,000 Ways To Die last night.

What the show is, basically, is re-enactments, sometimes accompanied by medical explanations, of the some of the most fucked up deaths that were ever died.  Each little vignette is usually treated with total irreverence, complete with bad acting, terrible CGI, and a scantily clad woman thrown in whenever possible.  Let me give you an example:

One segment features an alleged nymphomaniac who decides a carrot from her local grocery store will serve as a fitting substitute for a gentleman caller.  When she gets home and begins to use said carrot for the evening’s festivities, a rough edge of the carrot grazes and cuts her vaginal wall, thus allowing air into her bloodstream and causing her death.

Now here’s the kicker.  The aforementioned scene ends in a freeze frame with this text covering the TV screen:  “Way To Die #674: Killdo.” 

I’m sorry, but any show that uses the word “killdo” is a show that I want to watch.

In a nutshell, most of the stories in this show are cautionary tales that play out like a remedial Discovery Channel program.  And despite, the wretched acting, effects, and wittingly idiotic wordplay, this is by far the most entertaining show Spike TV has offered the viewer.  So be sure to check it out on Sundays.  If you don’t have cable, you can watch clips or full episodes here.  Take solace in the fact that no matter how dumb you think you are for watching it, you’re not as dumb as the people who are on it.


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4 Responses to “Watching People Die”

  1. Marc Says:

    I saw this show at a bar the other night but the volume and the closed captioning were off. How did the killdo girl die? Was it an allergic reaction or something? I’m dying to find out. Thanks.

    • jamesdolata Says:

      Thanks for reading. What happened was a rough edge of the carrot sliced through her vaginal wall and sent an air embolism to her heart. Air entered her arteries and she died.

  2. Guy Says:

    Dude can someone please tell me the name of the porno actress that gave a comment on Killdo

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