Archive for September, 2009

Need A Gun?

September 28, 2009

A few months ago back here in Milwaukee, 2 cops were shot in Walker’s Point after simply asking a person for some identification. After the suspect was caught, the police discovered the gun used in the crime was bought from Badger Gun, a weapons store near Miller Park. In fact, an astounding amount of gun crimes here in Milwaukee can be traced back to Badger Gun. The police suspected that in many cases guns were being purchased legally by people with clean records then sold to felons, a process called “straw buying.”

I have to admit, I was kind of skeptical at first. I too wondered why so many weapons used in Milwaukee’s crimes can be traced back to one place. Perhaps there is something shady going on at this store. Then, I went online and Googled “Milwaukee gun stores” just to see how many places there were where you actually could get a gun. Much to my surprise, Badger Guns is not one of few; it actually is the only gun store in metropolitan Milwaukee. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that people who shoot people in the city are probably gonna buy their guns in the city.

Apparently, the Milwaukee Police had a different reasoning process than me and decided instead to start staking out the store; seemingly pulling over anyone they deemed to be suspicious. (I’m sure there was no profiling going on here.)

Apparently, the owner of the store had had enough. He was sick of his customers being hassled. He was sick of his business being hassled. He decided patrons of his store deserved to know what was going on. So he grabbed his marquee and put this sign in front of his shop, and subsequently became my hero.


I know this guy probably made matters about a brillion times worse for himself, but the idea was just too goddamn funny. How could he not do it?
Good show, sir.


A New Low

September 22, 2009

Throughout my 27+ years I’ve made many compromises, as I’m sure you have too. When I was wee toddler, I was waned off the diaper in exchange for the feeling of independence that comes with wiping one’s own ass (in retrospect, this may have been a mistake). At the onset of puberty, I was relinquished of innocence in exchange for erections and years of sexual frustration. At 14, I got my first job and surrendered both my childhood and free time for money. Yup, compromise can be a bitch.

But despite all of the tradeoffs we’re forced to make throughout life, there are several decisions I set in stone a long time ago. And astonishingly enough, I’ve stuck to ‘em.

For example:

Despite growing up with a family that finds merit in the lyrics of Toby Keith, I’ve never voted Republican. In spite of everyone talking about it and it being shown on “America’s most watched network,” I’ve never seen a single episode of Survivor. And even though I’ve been listening to music my whole life, I’ve never owned a Pearl Jam record.

And I’ve never, I repeat never, dressed up a dog.



The cutest and gayest thing ever.

The cutest and gayest thing ever.

This Is Why I Shouldn’t Have Kids

September 17, 2009

The dad in this video handles it pretty well, but I would’ve just given that little girl a huge look of disgust.