I Want My Racecar Bed

Last Thursday, I went to my aunt and uncle’s house for a Thanksgiving dinner.  As we waited to stuff ourselves, my uncle and I started having a conversation about Christmas, specifically Christmas presents.  I started telling him about all the presents I either never got or forgot to ask for throughout my childhood.  How did I go so many years without ever putting Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots on my list?  Why did no one take me seriously when I told them how bad I wanted a drum set and Tinker Toys?  And why the hell did I never ask for a racecar bed?

As I ran down the list of 1980’s “could’ve been” Christmas gifts, my uncle stopped me in the middle of my rant and said…

“I can build you one of those.”

“Build me what,” I asked.

“That bed,” he replied.

“You can build me a queen-sized racecar bed” I asked, as an innocent whimsy began to take over.

“Yeah, sure.  Just draw it up for me.”

The conversation ended and I turned to my fiancée Jackie, who saw the overwhelming happiness in my eyes.  For some reason, she agreed to not only let this happen, but also help me draw up an idea.  Good thing considering my art skills are like that of an arthritic monkey with down syndrome.

I went home that night and began to think about what this bed could look like.  Like a bisexual in a crowded room, the possibilities are endless.  Though I have no problem settling for a racecar bed, I’d ideally like this thing to look more like a ’57 Chevy.  Other than that, my imagination is the limit.

Well, apparently a decade’s worth of Jameson turns childlike wonderment into a blank catatonic stare, because I can’t think of a goddamn thing.  This, valued reader, is where you come in.

I’m not sure if this bed will ever truly come to fruition, but lets not take any chances. Outside of maybe a radio, I can’t think of any cool accessories, nuances, or other ideas to make this the most bestest racecar bed ever (it’ll probably one of the only queen-sized beds of its kind).  So if you can think of any ways to make an awesome bed even awesomer, leave me a comment and let me know.  Be as ridiculous as you want.  If it’s moderately cheap, I just might use it.

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One Response to “I Want My Racecar Bed”

  1. spurgin! Says:

    circular saw blades (horizontally attached to both front and rear fenders), flame thrower exhaust, No Fear window decal and naked lady (or Tasmanian Devil) mud flaps. You’re Welcome.

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