On This Day…

…In 1809: Abraham Lincoln was a mere day away from emancipating himself through a vagina.

…In 1926: Mrs. Nielsen gave birth to her son and considered naming him Shirley.  The young boy sternly asked not to be called that, suggesting “Leslie” instead.

…In 1936: Burt Reynolds was welcomed into a world that was wholly unaware of just how sexy the moustache can be.

…In 1963: Sylvia Plath proved that we really are all dying…by dying herself.

…In 1964: Sarah Palin was born and immediately began formulating ways to give a bad name to women, republicans, Americans, the human race, etc.

…In 1986: Boy George made a guest appearance on The A-Team and subsequently caused every grizzled male viewer to quiver as they questioned their sexual orientation.

…In 1990: James “Buster” Douglas upset Heavyweight Champion Mike Tyson, and someone couldn’t have been more wrong when they told Iron Mike “things can only get better.”

…In 2006: Dick Cheney goes hunting and shoots his friend in the face; no joke needed.

And of course, Roger Dolata and Koren Sundquist decided to play things “not so safe,”  leaving them with this exactly 28 years ago today…

Happy Birthday to me!

I will now destroy you all.

Tags: Abraham Lincoln, birthday, Boy George, Burt Reynolds, Buster Douglas, Dick Cheney, Dolata, February 11, Leslie Nielsen, Mike Tyson, Sarah Palin, Sundquist, Sylvia Plath