Archive for May, 2011

Look.Listen.Read: Lykke Li – “Get Some”

May 18, 2011

I fully realize that as every day of my life passes, I become a little more curmudgeonly; especially when it comes to music.  I’m sure in a decade or so you’ll find me talking about how everything was better in the good ‘ol days when bands had balls and whiny little bitch singers could only find an audience in prepubescent tweeners who just didn’t know any better.  Wait, that’s how I feel now.

Anyways, imagine my surprise when I picked Lykke Li’s Wounded Rhymes and found that at least one new artist found a detour from the all too familiar sophomore slump.  So if you haven’t already, give “Get Some” a listen and go buy the album.

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The Best Thing About The Kentucky Derby

May 5, 2011

To me, there never really was much motivation to watch the horsies race at Churchill Downs.  I’m really not much of gambler, and spending two hours watching the wealthy file their worry-free selves to the racetrack just to witness two minutes of action involving horses and jockeys I’ve never heard of just doesn’t have much of an appeal to me.  In fact, there are only two reasons I would even think to tune in to the race this weekend. 

One of the reasons is to watch my dogs go absolutely apeshit whenever a thoroughbred is given a close-up before the race.  I’ll probably never get tired of that.

The only other incentive for me to view this storied competition is to see the weird-ass names that these owners pick for their horses (“Pants On Fire” is the one that sticks out this year).  It really seems like the monikers these people choose have absolutely nothing do with anything and make little to no sense.  It is, without a doubt, the best thing about horseracing, and it really makes me wish I had the money and resources to put my own steed in the running.  It’s just too bad I lack the motivation and general respect for this “sport,” ‘cuz I’d love to name one of these four-legged combatants.

To prove it, here are my top ten names I’d love to hear the play by play announcer shouting as the pack heads for the finish line:

10.Diversity Jones

9.  Former President Ronald Reagan

8.  Harvey The Roller-Skating Frog

7.  Jared Leto’s Vagina

6.  Tits McGee

5.  Robot Boner

4.  Mannequin 2: On The Move

3. 

2.  John Elway

1.  Farts!Farts!Farts!

Look.Listen.Read: “Short People”

May 4, 2011

The first time I remember hearing this song was when I was about twelve or so and saw The Little Rascals movie.  I didn’t pay much attention to it and kinda just blew it off as a harmless song in a kids’ movie.  Then, about a month ago, my good friend Joe had me listen to it again, and I quickly realized it might be one of the most offensive songs ever written.  If you in any way consider yourself to be a person of the diminutive variety, this three minute ditty should really piss you off.

That being said, I think it’s pretty fucking hilarious.

So Follow along with the lyrics, and feel free to sing along: