Posts Tagged ‘football’

One More Day

September 4, 2013

Since professional football has not yet descended into a game of 2-hand touch, there is still (for at least one more year) a reason to be excited for the 2013 NFL season, which begins tomorrow.

My fantasy lineup is set (tentavively):
QB-Matt Ryan
WR-A.J. Green
WR-Dwayne Bowe
RB-Arian Foster
RB-Maurice Jones-Drew
TE-Tony Gonzalez
FLEX-DeAngelo Williams
K-Justin Tucker

And to top it off, I’ve moved up over 5,000 places on the waiting list for Packers’ season tickets (though this is probably due to the fact that almost 7,000 seats were added this year). Now, I have a mere 67,138 people ahead of me.

So in the meantime, while I wait to see which one comes first (Packers tickets or death), you’ll find me in front of the TV on Sundays afternoons for the rest of year (and Sunday nights, and Monday nights, and the occasional Thursday night).


The Most Powerful Move In All Of Sports

January 10, 2011

Just in case you didn’t know, the Green Bay Packers went into Philadelphia yesterday and sent thousands of asshole Eagles’ fans home with nothing to do but wait for the Phillies season to start.  That’s right, the Pack took all of those 4th & 26 nightmares out of our minds and pulled out a 21-16 victory over dog-beater Michael Vick & Co.  This Saturday, Green Bay will travel to Atlanta and pull out a convincing victory over the Falcons.  And then the week after that, the Packers will beat the Bears in dramatic fashion and punch their ticket to the Super Bowl while simultaneously making Lovie Smith cry like a little bitch.

How do I know this, you ask?  I’ve never been the type to say that the Packers have any game in the bag.  I’m wary of just about every team they play throughout every season, even the Lions.  I mean let’s face it, yesterday was probably the first time this season the green & gold showed any sign of a running game.  And it’s no secret that our special teams (specifically kick returning) could use some major work.  So why am I so confident?  Why do I know that the Packers will be suiting up on February 6th.  The answer, my friends, can be found in two words: Ghost Belt.

For those of you unfamiliar, ”Ghost Belting” occurs when an individual pantomimes a championship belt around their waste in an effort to confirm greatness to constituents and show superiority to opponents.  In recent months, the ghost belt has frequently been utilized by Packers’ quarterback Aaron Rodgers.

To be honest, I’m quite surprised that other NFL players have not added the ghost belt to their arsenal, as its power is unfathomable.  Professional wrestlers have been attempting to harness the force of the ghost belt for years, some more successful than others.  It’s about time that the move has worked its way through the ranks and into the mainstream limelight.  The move is so powerful, in fact, that pictures or videos of the act are almost impossible to find online.  My guess is that countless amounts of computers have already exploded and become casualties when naïve people have made attempts to upload the almighty ghost belt.  The power of the move is just too much for the Internet to take.

So my advice to the rest of the NFC: close up shop and focus on next season (if there is one).  The ghost belt has decided to settle its aura in Titletown for the winter, so get the fuck out of our way.

The Favre Rule

March 23, 2010

As opposed to baseball, football seems to be a sport that evolves with the changing times.  Rule changes and modifications to the game have become a regular occurrence at almost every offseason.  Typically, the changes are made to either level the playing field in regard to fairness or to bring a heightened sense of excitement to the game.  On the surface, you may think the NFL’s new overtime policy is doing just that.  As for me, I think you may as well call it “The Favre Rule.”

For those of you who don’t know, the NFL has decided to get rid of their current overtime structure, which is simply sudden death rules (first team to score wins).  Instead, the team that wins the coin toss now needs a touchdown to win the game.  If they are held to a field goal, the other team gets the ball back and either scores a touchdown to win the game, scores nothing and loses the game, or kicks a field goal themselves and puts the game back into a sudden death situation (this also happens if neither team scores on their first drive).  Oh, and this new structure will only be enforced during the playoffs.

Hmmm, very interesting.  You know, I remember just last postseason there was a game that went into overtime.  The team that lost the toss never got the ball when their defense allowed a field goal to be kicked on the first drive.  Man, which team was that.  I kinda remember their quarterback.  He was kinda old, kind of a prima donna, and the NFL and media just couldn’t seem to kiss his ass fast enough.  Well, maybe I’ll remember it later.

I know a lot of people will welcome this rule change, and quite honestly I do too, but the timing is just a little suspicious if you ask me.  The overtime structure in the NFL has been under scrutiny since I can remember.  But somehow when the almighty Favre caught the short end of the stick, immediate action was taken.

And why the hell is this rule only applying to the playoffs?  Every pro football team plays 16 games/season, which is significantly less than any other major sport in this country.  This means that in football, more than anything else, every game counts.  It almost seems like the NFL is saying that they don’t care if a coin toss screws over a regular season game (and no one likes tie games anyways).

At the end of the day, I know it isn’t Favre personally who initiated the change and the new rule is a step in the right direction.  But for us Packer fans here in the Badger State, it’s just more fuel to the fire.  And if you think I’m just acting bitter, you’re right.