Posts Tagged ‘Milwaukee’

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

July 1, 2013

The good Lord has blessed me.

He/she/it has put me in a position of great fortune. I’ve been lucky enough find an awesome woman willing to marry me and be the focal point of my life. I have two dogs that leave minimal amounts of shit and piss around my apartment. I’ve acquired a handful of friends willing to tolerate the compulsive urge I have to spew useless knowledge regarding music, movies, and sports. I have a job (shitty as it may be) that pays the bills with a little left over to have fun every now and again. And to top it off, I live in Milwaukee, where we take our drinking seriously. (I’m three beers in as I type this)

And yet…..something’s missing.

Just like every other red-blooded American with a pulse, I want more. I’m not sure if contentment is something that we as humans should strive for, but I’m fairly sure it’s an emotion that will escape me as long as there is air in my lungs. Anytime I reach a destination in one facet of life, I immediately look to the next hurdle to improve my own situation. I want to buy a house. I want to be self-employed. I want the world to realize that Cheap Seats (Without Ron Parker) was one of the most underrated shows in television history. But right now, at this very moment (four beers in), none of that shit matters. Because right now, my goal is to be friends with this guy…


I’m sure many of you are confused right now. If you happen to be an avid wrestling fan, however, you probably know exactly who this guy is. I honestly didn’t notice this guy until the day after Wrestlemania in 2012 (which is why I’ve dubbed him “The Brock Lesnar Guy”), but ever since then I’ve seen him sitting in the front row of countless televised WWE & TNA events. If you happen to know me and are aware of my obsession with professional wrestling combined with my travel habits, you are also quite aware of just how envious I am of this dude’s life.

I have no idea how “The Brock Lesnar Guy” is able maintain this lifestyle, but here are some theories.

1. He is a wrestling journalist.

2. He is an international jewel thief, hiding in plain view from the Feds in the front row of Monday Night Raw.

3. He is scouting the competition for Bruno Sammartino, who is prepping to annihilate everyone.

4. Underneath his chair, he has the Undertaker’s urn, and sits in a constant state of readiness to summon the Deadman if necessary.

5. He is the best professional wrestler in the history of mankind, merely sizing up his competition and waiting for the most opportunistic moment to take his place as undisputed champion.

(Five beers in)

No matter what the reason, I need to meet this guy.

I can just picture it now: “The Brock Lesnar Guy” and I going to an episode of Raw, nonchalantly taking the best seats in the house, and ruthlessly insulting every wrestler and manager we see for no reason other than they can actually hear us. And then after a few months and a couple dozen shows, he’ll make me feel like the belle of the ball when he ever so subtly suggests I be his guest to the upcoming Wrestlemania. It will be the most glorious and “kinda gay but not really gay” moment of my life; kinda like when two wrestlers hug in the middle of the ring and seem to be oblivious to the fact that they are both covered in sweat, baby oil, and are essentially only wearing underpants.

So now this is where I need help from you, my valued reader, to assist me in my quest of finding and befriending the ever elusive “Brock Lesnar Guy.” I have no idea how to locate him, so I have begrudgingly created a facebook page in an effort to find my new friend (fingers crossed!). Please go to the site here and get some buzz going. I’m not sure if I deserve this, but a false sense of entitlement didn’t stop the Kardashians. Why should I be any different?

(Six beers in)


I’m Blind. I’m Deaf. I Wanna Be A Ref.

April 24, 2013

Now before I begin my tirade, let me just say this: The Milwaukee Bucks did deserve to lose last night. They hung in there valiantly for three quarters, but at the end of the day just couldn’t get the job done. Quite simply, they were just handled by a much more talented group of basketball players. In fact, my main criticism of the game (which I’ll be getting to in a moment) probably had absolutely no bearing on who came out victorious. Probably.

There. Now that I have that out of the way: Fuck the referees of the National Basketball Association.
In case you’re wondering what I’m referring to, let me give you the play by play (along with my own personal opinion) of how things went down last night at the end of the 1st quarter.

1. After a missed shot attempt by Miami, the ball seemingly comes to rest in the space between the rim and the backboard.
My opinion: A slightly odd occurrence, but not unheard of

2. Lebron James jumps for the ball in an effort to grab the offensive rebound.
My opinion: Totally normal occurrence

3. Before Lebron comes down with it, the ref declares the ball dead, resulting in a jump ball.
My opinion: A questionable call, but could’ve easily been called a live or dead ball

4. Mr. James, unhappy with the decision, frustratingly screams and pouts like a little bitch
My opinion: A bit of an overreaction that was seemingly directed at the ref

5. The ref, believing Lebron’s rage is directed toward his call, issues the almighty King James a technical foul.
My opinion: Perhaps a slight overreaction, but definitely merited

6. A stunned Mr. James runs to the ref and apparently explains that his strong words were directed at himself and not the official.
My opinion: I’m not sure if this exact tactic has been utilized, but it is pretty much standard procedure for an NBA player to dispute just about any call they don’t agree with

7. The referee reverses the call and takes the technical foul away from Lebron James.
My opinion: WHAT THE FUCK?!?

In the 20 plus years I have been watching basketball, I have never once seen or heard of an NBA ref issuing a technical foul and then completely rescinding it to a “no foul” ruling. I guess they don’t call him King James for nothing.

I’m aware that the game of basketball is filled with a plethora of questionable and outright terrible calls, but to me this is on a different level. When I was a kid, I was a huge Michael Jordan fan. Inevitably, someone told me about what came to be known as “The Jordan Step.” (For those unaware, “The Jordan Step” was the occasional extra half-step or so that Michael Jordan would sometimes take while driving to the rim. Typically, the refs did not call travelling when “The Jordan Step” was taken.) After seeing that, it became painfully obvious that referees in just about every sport will turn the occasional blind-eye to penalties and fouls committed by marquee players. It’s something that fans have come to expect as a part of the game.

Yesterday’s blown call however, was a horse of a different color because a foul was actually issued. The ref could’ve easily looked the other way and let Lebron throw his little tantrum without consequence, but he didn’t. He clearly gave the signal for a technical foul on James, and once you do that there’s no going back…or so I thought.

I have no idea what King James did or said to that referee to get him to reverse that call, and guessing what it may have been just pisses me off more. All I know is that he talked the Bucks out of a free throw attempt (that they probably would’ve missed) and a possession. Also, let’s not forget the fact that Lebron also weasled his way out of the automatic fine given to any player receiving a technical foul in the playoffs.

It’s a safe assumption to say that just about everyone counted the Bucks out against the Heat in this series. But despite how out-matched Milwaukee was, I thought they would at least get a fair shake at taking down the defending champs. Obviously, that is not the case.

Tomorrow the Miami Heat will come to Milwaukee for Game 3. And seeing as Game 4 is also in the Brew City on Sunday, I would assume the team will be staying in town through the weekend. So if anyone happens to see Lebron, Wade, or Bosh out on the town….buy them a drink. In fact, buy them 10. We need all the help we can get.

A New Season. A New Hope.

April 1, 2013


It took one extra inning, but the Brewers were able to get the job done this afternoon and send the sellout crowd home happy and drunk, instead of just drunk. An opening day victory has a way of making us fans feel like anything is possible this season. And in case you needed even more reasons to be optimistic, take a look at some of these stats…

• As I’m typing this, the Brewers are currently in the midst of a 6-way tie for the best record in Major League Baseball

• This season, the Brewers are undefeated in games where John Axford allows a home run.

• In home games this season, Miller Park is averaging an attendance of 45,781 fans per game.

• The Brewers currently have three players on their roster batting over .400 (watch out Ted Williams).

• Milwaukee’s defense has remained untarnished as the team has not committed a single error all season long.

Cheers to 161 more great games. Go Brewers!