Posts Tagged ‘NFL’

One More Day

September 4, 2013

Since professional football has not yet descended into a game of 2-hand touch, there is still (for at least one more year) a reason to be excited for the 2013 NFL season, which begins tomorrow.

My fantasy lineup is set (tentavively):
QB-Matt Ryan
WR-A.J. Green
WR-Dwayne Bowe
RB-Arian Foster
RB-Maurice Jones-Drew
TE-Tony Gonzalez
FLEX-DeAngelo Williams
K-Justin Tucker
DEF-Houston

And to top it off, I’ve moved up over 5,000 places on the waiting list for Packers’ season tickets (though this is probably due to the fact that almost 7,000 seats were added this year). Now, I have a mere 67,138 people ahead of me.

So in the meantime, while I wait to see which one comes first (Packers tickets or death), you’ll find me in front of the TV on Sundays afternoons for the rest of year (and Sunday nights, and Monday nights, and the occasional Thursday night).

Not Again…

January 9, 2012

“…and that about wraps things up here.  We’ll see you next week when Ben Roethlisberger leads the Steelers into Foxboro to take on Tom Brady and the Patriots.  Goodnight.”

Those words just seem to roll off the tongue, don’t they?  It sounds so natural.  If you read it enough times, you almost start to believe it’s true.   But then the reality sets in.  It’s not true.  And why? Why is this not true?

Tim Fucking Tebow.

That’s right folks, little Timmy Tebow led his “little engine that could” team to a thrilling overtime victory that made me want to do nothing more than eat my own vomit so I could throw up twice.

Now, this isn’t an attack on Tim Tebow “the man.”  I’ve read interviews he’s done and for as much as I would love him to sound like the abominable snowman from the Looney Tunes Cartoons, he doesn’t.  In fact, he almost always says the right thing.  And I could care less about how religious he is.  If you wanna drop to one knee in a stoic formation or do your best Scott Stapp impression, go right ahead.  He surely wouldn’t be the first.  It actually makes perfect sense.  After all, Tim Tebow is living and breathing proof that God does exist, ‘cause it sure as hell ain’t raw, unbridled talent that is winning these games.

I just don’t understand the phenomena around this guy.  He’s playing like shit and, with the exception of last night, the Broncos defense is winning games for him.  Carolina’s rookie quarterback put up numbers this year that would put Tebow’s to shame, yet I haven’t seen “Newtoning” become the biggest craze since planking.

It just makes me wonder what would’ve happened if the roles were reversed.  What if the Steelers would’ve won that game the same way as the Broncos?  That’s easy.  It would’ve been called business as usual for Big Ben and hordes of the Tebow faithful would be bitching about the NFL’s overtime system and how Timmy the Hero never even got a crack at it in the extra quarter.  But instead, I turn on ESPN and see the “experts” trying to formulate a name for that last play and already comparing it to the Immaculate Reception, which I’m sure the Steelers fans just love.

I never thought I’d ever say this, but I will now.

Go Patriots.

Do I Really Have To Repeat Myself?

February 8, 2011

Did you read my last post?

What did I say?

Did you ever really doubt me?

Forget the crappy commercials.  Forget Christina Aguilera’s butchering of the national anthem.  And forget that the Black-Eyed Peas grabbed all the props they could when production of Tron 3D wrapped.  None of that shit matters.  All that matters is that the Green Bay Packers are better than everyone.  Those of us here in Wisconsin already knew it, and the folks in Chicago won’t admit it, but it’s absolutely true.  I’ll admit it was a tough road (After all, the Pack had to go through a dog-beater and a rapist), but it was inevitable that the Lombardi Trophy come home (before it becomes the “H&R Block Cup” or the “Tostitos Trophy” when the players strike and the NFL looks to new places for revenue).

But how did the Green & Gold do it?  How did a 10-6 team that just barely squeaked into the playoffs manage to go through the NFL’s best without a single home game in the postseason.  Do I really have to say it?

Of course it’s the ghost belt!  You cannot escape the mind-blowing dominance of the al-fucking-mighty ghost belt!  The belt alone is just a prop.  The imposing forces exist in the motion itself.  Aaron Rodgers knew it.  All season long he had been calling to it.  He went through 16 weeks of regular season play beckoning to it; hoping to be blessed with the luster it possesses.  And the ghost belt saw this.  It saw it was being summoned and evaluated Rodgers’s character.  It blessed him throughout the season with its all-powerful supremacy and appraised his worth.  As the season wound down, it came to the realization that #12 exhibited the respect, desire, and competence to acquire the vigor that it commands.  And in one divine moment, the inextinguishable might of the ghost belt came to a resolution.  Aaron Rodgers, in fact, was worthy.

And the rest, my friends, is Super Bowl history.

Fuck the Bears.